I don’t understand why people have to “get ready” for bed. I’m always ready for bed. — Unknown
I’ve been called the Queen of Naps and the Napscot. A running joke in my family has been “Where’s Kate? Probably taking a nap.” I’ve been teased about sleeping in late. For a long time I took all of this on the chin, while inside I was so frustrated. I didn’t want to be sleeping so much. And I didn’t want everyone to think that sleeping was all I did.
But I was always SO tired. Not just tired, but legit sleepy. I was chronically late and cancelled so many plans because I was so tired. In the back of my mind, I knew that something wasn’t right. I was too young to be this tired, this sleepy. Slowly, I started to tell my family and close friends that I felt really tired all the time. I started to tell my doctors. The responses were often the same — “oh your just stressed”, “it’s probably because you stayed up too late or had a glass of wine”, “you must be doing something to mess up your sleep”, and, best of all, “you’re just depressed.” So of course, I was able to convince myself that I was my own problem. It was my fault that I was always tired.
But little by little, my sleepiness was getting worse and creeping more and more into my daily activities. It was harder to get to early classes and clinical training rotations. I would get sleepy behind the wheel. If I was a passenger in a car for more than 45 minutes, I would fall asleep. Then, during my post doctoral fellowship, I fell asleep at my desk. STANDING UP. Seriously. That was really scary. I finally decided that I had had enough and starting seeing a sleep medicine doctor. Almost two years later, I was finally diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia. It was great to finally know what was going on and that it wasn’t all in my head. But now what?
So this is part of my “now what.” A space to process this diagnosis and its symptoms. A place to share the research, knowledge, and understanding of the diagnosis that I am constantly searching for. I little quarter of the internet where people with all hidden disabilities can feel seen.
Now it’s time to go to sleep. See you all in dreamland.